Tag Archives: writing

*shakes off dust*

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Whew! What a break from blogging THAT was! It actually was completely unintentional, but no matter…I’m back!

I’m on a good track in my life right now…Working on the weight loss thing, feeling healthier and happier despite having a long ways to go. I’m actually looking forward to my workout this afternoon…THAT is a huge change in and of itself!

I’ve got a few different blog/writing projects going on at the moment; like I said…lots of changes! The biggest change I suppose is that I came out of the closet last year…did you guys know that? I don’t think so…Gosh…my last post was over a year ago! So yes, I came out as a lesbian to my friends and family, and now to my blog followers. I’m not a “shove it in your face” type of person but obviously with our country changing towards equality the way it is, I may post a thing or two about it. I’m a lot happier now that I came out, but I’m focusing on myself at the moment and not actively looking for a partner. Some people take that as not being serious (*cough* MOM *cough*), but I am, and I’m glad that the people I love support me. Just as I support them being straight. 😉

Lots and lots have happened over the past year, and I’m really excited to be able to blog about them and get them off my chest. I’ll have to hop back on the computer after my workout and shower later. At the moment, I’m a little tied up, so I’ll have to finish my thoughts in a few hours.

Cheers!

Elysia

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Farewell, Facebook!

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As someone who is about to turn 22 soon (a month from tomorrow!), you would think I’d be currently on Facebook posting some random status about the awesome food I just ate or complaining about the weather, or something else fairly meaningless, right? WRONG!

I gave up Facebook.

*gasp*

I know, I know. It is completely shocking and appauling. How will I ever go on with my life? Truth is, Facebook drives me crazy. Or, I guess more precisely, what people post on Facebook drives me crazy.

In the world of Facebook, most “kids” my age post duck-faced pictures of themselves at crazy parties (that I wasn’t invited to) with a red solo cup in hand. While they are drinking and partying and being wild, I find I enjoy other things like reading, blogging, and having a relazing evening with a few good friends. Yes, you guessed it. I’m a hardcore INTROVERT. And I like being that way. But, that’s kind of besides my point of all this…

I really started noticing how much drama and complete meaningless crap is posted on Facebook daily by my friends, and I’ve been guilty of it as well. While I greatly enjoy seeing my friends’ kids pictures, I hate not actually SEEING them. And while I love knowing that my friends are doing well, I hate that 98% of their statuses on Facebook are about something completely negative, or they are bashing someone that they should probably be having a conversation with about whatever issue is going on. What’s terrible, is I have definitely been guilty of this in the past.

An incident happened about a month ago that really started opening my eyes to how different I am now that Facebook exists. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, and I changed my status on facebook and pretty much started whining and crying about it to no one inparticular. My best friend in the ENTIRE WORLD called me up a day later, wondering why she found out on Facebook that we had split, and why I hadn’t called her. I had a huge moment of “OMG What was I thinking?!”

But, it’s happening to me too. I found out of Facebook that a good friend of mine is married AND pregnant, and yet I haven’t recieved a single text or phone call. In my quite humble opinion, I feel like Facebook is ruining friendships…it’s taking away the “personal touch” of life…Calling your friend and being ridiculously excited that you’re getting married is apparently a thing of the past.

So, I’ve successfully been Facebook-free for two days now. Okay wait…I DID go on Facebook for 30 seconds yesterday to post two HILARIOUS pictures on my mom’s Facebook wall, but that was it. Otherwise, I haven’t been on there, and it feels pretty good. I feel like I’m kicking a bad habit.

So, along with realizing that my Facebook was full of people that apparently don’t care enough to call me and tell me they’re getting married, having kids, etc, I’m looking for some new friends. lol. There’s really nothing wrong with the friends I have now (well…there is, but that’s why we’re friends 😉 ) but it would be really awesome to have more. It would be great to meet some more fantastic bloggers (although I’ve already met tons!) and maybe eventually I’ll come out of my introvert shell and go meet new people in my area. That’s quite a huge *maybe*. We’ll see!

Anyways, that seems to be it for my random-ramblings of the day. *thinks for a second* Yup, that’s all I got.

Cheers,

Elysia

What color is Google?

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A friend came to me the other day with a few trivia questions for me to test how much I pay attention to the world that surrounds me. One really stuck in my head, because I see it every day, many times per day, and I still couldn’t answer it…

What colors belong to which letters of the Google logo?

I can pretty much bet you $10 that you can’t answer it without going to the Google homepage. I know I couldn’t. I tried and tried, and just couldn’t get the order right. But it also made me thing; how strange it is that I see this logo every single day, but I can’t really remember what it actually consists of. Let’s bring this to a more philosophical context…

Because of how awful I felt that I couldn’t guess that question correctly, I made it a point today to really pay attention to something in great detail that I see on a daily basis. I tried to focus on what I really see on the drive to work, what’s on my desk at work…through it all, I couldn’t really believe how much I discovered that I normally didn’t pay attention to. It was actually eye opening, and it made me wonder if I’ve missed some incredible things in my life just because I wasn’t paying attention.

In a book I have called The Writer’s Idea Book, by Jack Heffron, he talks about focusing on in-depth detail, especially with writing about a specific place or person. I also think it helps on a daily level of really SEEING life and understanding it. Seeing a person walking down the street and really being able to see their emotions or to see the way the rain falls to the ground…it seems like stuff we all should know, but maybe don’t notice.

I suppose there isn’t really any reason for any of this…what does seeing a stranger’s emotions have to do with you? What does it matter how to rain falls? I guess I’m different in that way. I feel like being able to read people is a great tool in life, for so many different situations, and I feel like seeing nature and all it has is great for the artistic mind, or anyone seeking peace. When I need relaxation or time to regather my thoughts, I look outside, go to the beach (like my Ocean Shores trip with mom), or I put on some earthy music. I really feel the wind, or watch the grass, or look at the clouds in the sky. It brings me a sense of belonging to the world.

I know this was a very random post, but it’s nice to stray away from normal topics. I’ll post again soon!

xoxo

Elysia

Finding the strength

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I am trying very hard to keep this blog and weight4us.wordpress.com separate as far as topics go, but what I want to talk about tonight applies to my weightloss journey, and I would like to share it with you…

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I went through elementary, middle, and high school being made fun of for my weight, and even went to college and heard a remark or two. For the longest time, I hated myself; I hated looking in the mirror, hated getting out of bed in the morning because I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to ignore it, make it *poof* and disappear. I dreamed many nights of just waking up to a skinny, more beautiful me. I got it into my head that skinny was beauty, because that is what others said.

For years, it’s been hard for me to find the strength in my heart to say “I can do something about this”, and really take charge of my weightloss. I had been beaten down so many times that it just felt like this was the way things were always going to be. It’s caused depression, but I just began to accept it for what it is; I’m fat, and that’s just me.

It *literally* wasn’t until last week that I really started digging deep inside myself and asking what I want out of my life. I just got out of a serious relationship, and things were just kind of shattered. I took a look around and said “Hey, I have all these pieces here. Should I put life together the way is was before him?” I thought about it for a day or so. What did I want to do? What did I want to change? What do I see in my future? When I thought about it, I knew what my answer was: I need change in my life. I need things to be different. I don’t want to go for another few years with depression and allowing myself to get bigger and bigger. That’s not in my plan. That’s not how I’m going to put my pieces back together.

I found the strength this past week to say “NO!” and realize that I won’t continue down the same path agian. I’ve found the strength to look at myself in the mirror and say “You’re beautiful…and you can do this, Elysia.” I’ve found the strength to let go of all those negative comments I had heard my entire life, and remember the good things I have heard. Just on Valentine’s Day, one of my friends texted me and said “I wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful, and one of my best friends.” What I positive, amazing thing to hear. Ultimately, I’ve found the strength to love myself, and to heal myself of my insecurities and illnesses by restarting this weightloss journey with my mom.

I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m in it for myself.

Xoxo

Elysia

Epic cake fail.

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Have you every been to a website called cakewrecks.com? It’s an absolutely hilarious site that has pictures of professional cakes gone totally wrong. While I’m definitely far from a professional, I had high hopes for my Valentine’s Day cake that I was making for my coworkers. It came out looking like it belonged on that website, and even in some Cake Wall of Shame. It was just…BAD.

My attempt at a Valentine's Day cake

This is the back side of it. First mistake? Cake wasn’t nearly dense enough. I had plans on using a recipe along with boxed cake mix to make it more dense, then I totally forgot about it, and well…it ended up all crumbly. Fondant turned out nicely for the most part, but ended up getting too dry and some pieces were breaking as I was trying to decorate, hense just the three hearts. Soooooo….I ended up leaving the cake here at home for the family to consume. I just couldn’t take it into work.

One of my next baking adventures will be with a friend of mine…we’re going to make St. Patty’s day goodies! That will be in about a week and a half, and I’ll be sure to post pictures. Although, I’m really thinking I want to try making something again soon. Maybe I won’t be a spazz and forget to make the cake correctly. 🙂

Practice makes perfect, right? I’ll get there eventually. Live and learn!

xoxo

Elysia

How has life changed in only a few days?

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On Friday, I was someone who pretty much gave up on many things; I had long ago given up dating, weight-loss, and being content with life. It seemed like every day was a fight with someone, or some other emotional let down. I had no motivation, no willpower, and no guidance. I was a walking bag filled with hurt feelings and no confidence in life. I was so miserable, debating on whether or not I should seek counseling for how depressed I was about my life. Today is now Monday, and things are so different.

To start, I want to share how absolutely amazing my Halloween weekend was. Saturday was spent with family that I don’t see often, but every time I see them, they light up my life. I love them to death, and wish I saw them more. They’re very important to me. They came to our house, and together we celebrated our ancestors, ate delicious foods, and talked about family and really, the importance of our lives. The house was wonderfully decorated, filled with burning candles and the feeling of Autumn. On this night, I was taught what I needed in life: Balance. A balance of everything, along with learning how to stop worrying, and just let things fall into place. When I realized this, I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders; it made so much sense. Perhaps as I am explaining it, it makes absolutely no sense to you, and that’s okay. Just know the feeling of relief I had was the greatest feeling in the world.

Saturday ended, and Sunday came to us with the beautiful Autumn sunshine. My visiting family left in the morning (though I would have loved to spend more time with them), and we began preparation for the holiday festivities. Mom added more decorations to the front of the house, and created a spooky entrance to our home to welcome trick-or-treaters. It looked fabulous. While she passed out candy to the adorable neighborhood kids, I could be found sitting in the livingroom, enjoying Facebook, as usual. I got a message from a friend, letting me know she might be coming to my side of the continent to hike the Pacific Crest Trail next summer, and I asked if I could join her. She said yes, and then I thought to myself “What a fantastic goal for myself!” My goal until then is to prepare myself physically for the hike, as she estimates we could be walking around 10 miles per day. Well, I’m definitely no where close to the shape I should be in for a hike like this, so I know I have a lot of work to day. BAM! All of the sudden I had a goal and motivation for weight-loss. Another thing magically fell into place.

I also talked to another friend of mine on Sunday about my motivation for weight-loss lately, and she put it into perspectives that I never truly gave much thought to. She told me that she has been watching her daughter gain weight through the years, and now her daughter is 34 with medical problems and a serious weight issue, and she told me “You’re young. I know it doesn’t seem like it could happen to you, but if you don’t do something about it now, you will end up like my daughter, and I don’t want that. Please, do something now so you don’t regret it later.” BAM! All of the sudden it clicked in my mind: I can’t be the best at anything if I can’t feel the best in my body. I will never enjoy life as much as I could unless I lose weight and stay healthy. I will never know what it feels like to be able to say “I did this to better my life” unless I actually start now. Can you possibly imagine how this felt? You have no idea, but emotions were running through me like crazy. I was happy, determined, fearful, regretful, pumped, excited, willful, and so many other things. Right then, I knew weightloss was no longer just about numbers on a scale, but instead, it’s about how many years I want to have left on this earth. The higher the number on that scale, the fewer years to my life. Plain and simple.

Today is now Monday, and I woke up with such a different attitude. Instead of being frightened of the stress that I could incur, I was able to let it go and say “this will not matter after today, so why worry?” I was able to look at food as fuel only, instead of needing to eat everything possible just because it tastes good. I was able to feel happy for the first time in a while because I wasn’t making myself worry about every little thing. I took care of what I had to, and let it go. It’s like I’m living a totally different life than I was on Friday, and while that such an incredibly strange feeling, it’s so welcoming, and so much better than anything I’ve experienced. I really think that I have a new thought process that will all me to life my life being more than just content, but being truly happy and open to change.

With new goals and happiness in mind, I think it’s now time for me to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, and one which holds promise and daily goals to feel accomplished about. Starting tomorrow (hopefully) I will also start a new page on my blog dedicated to my journey to preparing myself for the PCT hike. It will include exercise regimens, progress, and my small goals that will be set to help. I really hope some of you tune into it and help me through this journey.

Until tomorrow, good night, all.