On Friday, I was someone who pretty much gave up on many things; I had long ago given up dating, weight-loss, and being content with life. It seemed like every day was a fight with someone, or some other emotional let down. I had no motivation, no willpower, and no guidance. I was a walking bag filled with hurt feelings and no confidence in life. I was so miserable, debating on whether or not I should seek counseling for how depressed I was about my life. Today is now Monday, and things are so different.
To start, I want to share how absolutely amazing my Halloween weekend was. Saturday was spent with family that I don’t see often, but every time I see them, they light up my life. I love them to death, and wish I saw them more. They’re very important to me. They came to our house, and together we celebrated our ancestors, ate delicious foods, and talked about family and really, the importance of our lives. The house was wonderfully decorated, filled with burning candles and the feeling of Autumn. On this night, I was taught what I needed in life: Balance. A balance of everything, along with learning how to stop worrying, and just let things fall into place. When I realized this, I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders; it made so much sense. Perhaps as I am explaining it, it makes absolutely no sense to you, and that’s okay. Just know the feeling of relief I had was the greatest feeling in the world.
Saturday ended, and Sunday came to us with the beautiful Autumn sunshine. My visiting family left in the morning (though I would have loved to spend more time with them), and we began preparation for the holiday festivities. Mom added more decorations to the front of the house, and created a spooky entrance to our home to welcome trick-or-treaters. It looked fabulous. While she passed out candy to the adorable neighborhood kids, I could be found sitting in the livingroom, enjoying Facebook, as usual. I got a message from a friend, letting me know she might be coming to my side of the continent to hike the Pacific Crest Trail next summer, and I asked if I could join her. She said yes, and then I thought to myself “What a fantastic goal for myself!” My goal until then is to prepare myself physically for the hike, as she estimates we could be walking around 10 miles per day. Well, I’m definitely no where close to the shape I should be in for a hike like this, so I know I have a lot of work to day. BAM! All of the sudden I had a goal and motivation for weight-loss. Another thing magically fell into place.
I also talked to another friend of mine on Sunday about my motivation for weight-loss lately, and she put it into perspectives that I never truly gave much thought to. She told me that she has been watching her daughter gain weight through the years, and now her daughter is 34 with medical problems and a serious weight issue, and she told me “You’re young. I know it doesn’t seem like it could happen to you, but if you don’t do something about it now, you will end up like my daughter, and I don’t want that. Please, do something now so you don’t regret it later.” BAM! All of the sudden it clicked in my mind: I can’t be the best at anything if I can’t feel the best in my body. I will never enjoy life as much as I could unless I lose weight and stay healthy. I will never know what it feels like to be able to say “I did this to better my life” unless I actually start now. Can you possibly imagine how this felt? You have no idea, but emotions were running through me like crazy. I was happy, determined, fearful, regretful, pumped, excited, willful, and so many other things. Right then, I knew weightloss was no longer just about numbers on a scale, but instead, it’s about how many years I want to have left on this earth. The higher the number on that scale, the fewer years to my life. Plain and simple.
Today is now Monday, and I woke up with such a different attitude. Instead of being frightened of the stress that I could incur, I was able to let it go and say “this will not matter after today, so why worry?” I was able to look at food as fuel only, instead of needing to eat everything possible just because it tastes good. I was able to feel happy for the first time in a while because I wasn’t making myself worry about every little thing. I took care of what I had to, and let it go. It’s like I’m living a totally different life than I was on Friday, and while that such an incredibly strange feeling, it’s so welcoming, and so much better than anything I’ve experienced. I really think that I have a new thought process that will all me to life my life being more than just content, but being truly happy and open to change.
With new goals and happiness in mind, I think it’s now time for me to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, and one which holds promise and daily goals to feel accomplished about. Starting tomorrow (hopefully) I will also start a new page on my blog dedicated to my journey to preparing myself for the PCT hike. It will include exercise regimens, progress, and my small goals that will be set to help. I really hope some of you tune into it and help me through this journey.
Until tomorrow, good night, all.