I am trying very hard to keep this blog and weight4us.wordpress.com separate as far as topics go, but what I want to talk about tonight applies to my weightloss journey, and I would like to share it with you…
I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I went through elementary, middle, and high school being made fun of for my weight, and even went to college and heard a remark or two. For the longest time, I hated myself; I hated looking in the mirror, hated getting out of bed in the morning because I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to ignore it, make it *poof* and disappear. I dreamed many nights of just waking up to a skinny, more beautiful me. I got it into my head that skinny was beauty, because that is what others said.
For years, it’s been hard for me to find the strength in my heart to say “I can do something about this”, and really take charge of my weightloss. I had been beaten down so many times that it just felt like this was the way things were always going to be. It’s caused depression, but I just began to accept it for what it is; I’m fat, and that’s just me.
It *literally* wasn’t until last week that I really started digging deep inside myself and asking what I want out of my life. I just got out of a serious relationship, and things were just kind of shattered. I took a look around and said “Hey, I have all these pieces here. Should I put life together the way is was before him?” I thought about it for a day or so. What did I want to do? What did I want to change? What do I see in my future? When I thought about it, I knew what my answer was: I need change in my life. I need things to be different. I don’t want to go for another few years with depression and allowing myself to get bigger and bigger. That’s not in my plan. That’s not how I’m going to put my pieces back together.
I found the strength this past week to say “NO!” and realize that I won’t continue down the same path agian. I’ve found the strength to look at myself in the mirror and say “You’re beautiful…and you can do this, Elysia.” I’ve found the strength to let go of all those negative comments I had heard my entire life, and remember the good things I have heard. Just on Valentine’s Day, one of my friends texted me and said “I wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful, and one of my best friends.” What I positive, amazing thing to hear. Ultimately, I’ve found the strength to love myself, and to heal myself of my insecurities and illnesses by restarting this weightloss journey with my mom.
I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m in it for myself.